Friday, August 17, 2007

Cash-The review


If there is someone in Bollywood who can Make Hollywood feel they have a Brain Drain, its none other than our highly ambitious, technically efficient, lateral thinking Bollywood director
Anubhav Sinha.

When Anubav Sinha was asked whether he was he inspired from John Woo for all his movies, he quicky replied John Who?

Some famous director said, "there are good movies and there are bad movies" and some producers have said "there are hit movies and there are flop movies" .

But what happens when bad movies becomes hit movie ?

Apart from the fact that the producers laugh all the way to the bank leaving the audience to cry all the way back home, more bad movies begin to follow.

After watching Cash, the latest in the "Diamond Heist" genre, I was left with a bad taste for hindi movies, a sense of nausea and a deep deep sense of sympathy to all the junta who watched this in the theater.

The movie starts with Zayyed khan in a nearly empty first class cabin of a flight-a scene which mirrors the nearly empty theaters screening cash-the only difference is there are 2 people in the flight and just one guy in the theater. An insanely voracious glib Ayesha Takia meets Zayyed khan and then the story begins or rather the sequence of narration begins.


Well, the story is all about who gets to steal the famous diamonds and the guys running for this race are all highly talented with these skill sets basically in no particular order.

Suniel Shetty-The man who can take upto 7 bullets in his back..mind you any more than 7 bullets, he will turn back and shoot you down. Any less than 7 bullets he doesn’t care.Here he is seen trying to drive a car blindfolded and mouthing the dialog "Yeh aaram ka mamla hain". Too many Briefs ads have this kinda effect.

Zayed Khan: The computer hacker. Now how many zillion times have we seen bollywood heroes look so much like "alice in wonderland" when it comes to using a computer. And how many gazzilion times have we seen the message "system is being hacked….pls wait" and "system hacked..". Very user friendly.

An additional skill set of ZK is his ability to stay underwater for real long time(sometime days..) and the moment someone says "lights, camera, action" he would come out on his motor boat flying and clapping his hands!! Yeah no kidding..clapping his hands right on a motor boat from under the water.

3. Isha deol: After driving the aam junta crazy, she now tries her hand on driving cars. And her favourite dialog is "mera pastime hain cops ko gumana"!! Less said about her better. Did i say she resembles a cartoon in one of the scene?

4. Diya Mirza: No special skill here. So she tries to ape Maryiln Monroe by performing the famous "when there is wind, my skirts fly" scene, but hey nobody cares coz in the background is Mr Suniel Shetty with 7 bullets in his back is trying to drive a car blindfolded. Just as the great King Dhritarashtra says in Mahabarath "Yahan itna sannata kyon hai bhai…", Suniel Shetty mouths this dialog as well…of course 7 bullets peet mein.

Later she clarifies in an interview "I was just picking up my hanky, and the scene came out very naturally..hain na?"

5. Shamita Shetty: The police officer/Detective/Mountain climber: I think Shamita Shetty(SS) knows what not to do after following her sister's carreer from close quarters. She also knows following the path of Vijayshanti EPS(eternal police officer) as police officerini in all movies would guarantee her unimaginable fame and success. But Vijayshanti was a police officer who used to follow the rules, but SS doesn’t seem to know hers. Clad in the same costume(the jockey banians and lara croft pants with 3 guns and lathi) she goes around finding the criminal.

But being a very innocent and sexy police officer, little does she know her husband is the criminal she has been searching for the last 25 yrs of her career.

And oh, btw these are her hard working assistants who help her on strategical issues. Now what is it with Hindi movies shooting in abroad? Why are all the phirangis shown as real dumb people? I don't get it!

6. Ritesh Deshmukh: Now if RD had been working in the circus, which in itself is a great acheivement for him, he would have been the worst clown in the show. But as you know he decides to act in Hindi movies, which pretty much resemebles a huge circus in itself. He is the guy who can pretty much win every chase with the cops and chase every cops with his "funny" dialog.


Now there is this scene which tips the entire movie in his favour. The challenge for RD is to flick a painting from a heavily gaurded art exhibition and if you are paid 2 "karore" to do it, you would do it without any questions asked. Fair enough. But to do it without a plan..well that can be done by the one and only RD . Mind you this is no exaggeration , RD walks to the exhibition, tries to be funny, fails miserably, gets frustrated, recites the mantra for success(failure in this movie)-"kabbadi, kabbadi" and this gets really infectious with the phirangi security gaurds. The next thing you know, MR RD picks the "costly exhibit" and amid "Sir, pls keep it back sir" and "Sir we will shoot you" dialogues he starts running! Yeah plain running. Nothing clever Nothing smart. Just run. Now if that is not good enough, he seems to be too good to carry the look of a theif along with a parachute, a pouch to keep the exhibit, a skate board and the falls of the building. Next thing you know, he "crash" lands in the open arms, I mean open car of our Isha deol who seems to have taken driving lessons from Sunny deol. The rest as they say is history.

7.Ajay Devagan: Now I had huge respect for this man, however after seeing him in Cash, my respect for him has increased by couple of notches. Who else other then AD, can pull of a role as complicated as that of the Shehenshah?
He is the innocent looking writer cum husband of a CBI officer cum don cum "bumb" expert whose favourite pastime is to fix bombs on bridges and blow up bouncers with Leo car bombs. UK police need to watch for this character.

The movie interpresed with animations, cartoon characters, chase and lots of narrations(I mean it!) At one point there is ZK narrating a story to AK, AD telling a story to DM, DM to SS and SS to a weird guy called "Uncle" will keep you on the edge of the seat,and later will make you kneel on the floor and later will make you plead guilty for watching this movie.

I bet Anubhav Sinhia and the rest of his gang are now thinking "kaash..." and "Crash!!"

Now did I tell you I watched only half the movie ? I had to live another day to say the story right?

But thanks to the support of my well wishers I have decided to complete it after completing my will.

So watch out for the sequel soon!

2 comments:

Vik said...

LMAO. This is blasphemous. What a messy story. I hated the "Pick the hanky, see my wedgie" sequence [OR]
"Take the painting, keep it on the head and run. With Cops pleading" [OR] "Sunil shetty driving with closed eyes".

What have these Bollywood jokers thought of the people watching the film? It is madness. No wonder NONE of our films win the Oscars or any award with International degree of quality. Look at French movies man. So different plot and we keep playing with 3-in-1 love story, love behind the trees sequences. It is sad really.

This is one reason I stopped seeing the movies of these jokers ! and Tamil cinema the less said the better. Such a mockery them all.

Karthik Krishnan said...

Yeah Bollywood, in an effort to try and close the gap with hollywood is trying all theses cheesy pimpy stuff man. But i recommend you to watch this movie, atleast the 1st half. You will not be disappointed!
Great fun guarnteed. 100%